Saturday, June 22, 2013

My Thoughts on Toxic Relationships

I often get asked about my thoughts on detoxing and I think people expect me to tell them about juice fasts or cleanses. (More on that later).

I think a lot of our problems with toxicity in our lives may come from other people.

Do you remember your first day of school?

I do...I actually remember my first day of kindergarten AND my first day of first grade.

I have this philosophy that those first days are critical in our development and kind of "set the stage" for the rest of our lives. At least how we interact with others.

My first day of kindergarten went a little something like this:

I was used to spending my days in the comfort of my home with my mom and new baby brother. Life was good.

Then I get the news that they're shipping me off someplace.

Now, for some reason, I missed the very first day.

So, when I walked in, I saw 20 kids and a teacher and everyone already knew everyone else and they also knew all the rules and "the drill," so to speak.

I sat down and looked around at all the kids talking to each other. I was just taking it in.

Then everyone stood up and began to speak in unison.

Ok, we're standing up now? I thought, and followed suit.

They put their hands on there hearts and started:

"I pledge allegiance, to the Flag, of the United States of America..."

And so on.

I had no idea what they were doing so I just stood there, looking to my left and to my right and also at the Flag.

Red, white and blue, so pretty!

Incidentally, I did have the Pledge of Allegiance nailed shut by Thursday of that week!

More on kindergarten later...

Now, my first day of first grade, I also vividly remember.

I walked in and it was a different set of kids.

They also all knew each other and had obviously gone to kindergarten together, whereas, I was from a different school.

I looked around the room and tried to locate the meanest looking kid.

There were two or three kids crying in the corner.

They won't bother me, I thought.

My idea was this, if I can win over the bully of the group, then surely I will  breeze right on through the first grade unscathed.

I found her, the meanest looking kid was a girl named Betsy.

For the life of me I cannot remember her last name.

It really bothers me because I usually do remember....


I got it, Betsy Koslowski.

Ok, so I sat down next to her and started chatting.

"I like your pencil box," Betsy says.

I hand it over to her and say "It's yours."

She goes "That's ok, my mom bought me a pencil box, I don't need yours," she said with a warm smile on her cute but mean looking face.

Turns of Betsy Koslowski was one of the sweetest girls ever!

My point is, for some reason, I always used to try to find the "Problem Person" in the room, starting at the tender age of six.

Now, you might be thinking that I have this horrible need for everyone to like me.

Nope. I don't.

I do, however, have a need to not be hassled.

That's my goal.

So I took this with me throughout my life.

Fast forward to my early adulthood when I had issues and problems with associates.

Lil Angel Baby would say to me "You know what your problem is? You find the most undesirable, worst person in the office and try to make them like you."

"NO I DON'T!" I said.

So, I worked in this one office and there was a woman we shall call Miss Kitty Cat.

Miss Kitty Cat hated my guts for some reason, which would have been ok, if she would have kept that information to herself.

She actually would look at me and make motions like she was going to vomit.

I'm not kidding. I nauseated her.

So I said to Lil Angel Baby, "It's Miss Kitty Cat's birthday tomorrow."

And he goes "Do NOT buy her a gift and make her a cake!"

And I hung my head very low and muttered "Too late."

He was right!

I did seek out these toxic relationships, instead of just gravitating toward people who were nice and pleasant, and didn't throw up when they saw me.

Do you do this?

Who's bugging you?

Who are you subjecting yourself to?

You don't need to torture yourself by being around people who bring you down, left-hand compliment you, or insult you.

Think about it.

When you talk on the phone to someone, notice how you feel when you hang up.

Do you feel uplifted and joyful, or kind of dirty and sad?

I'm not saying to cut them out completely, but you can do what I do and "love them from a distance" winking sideways smiley! ;)

1 comment:

  1. So true!!! Talking on the phone with a cherished friend or family member who uplifts and is joyful nourishes the soul.