Thursday, September 19, 2013

How To Be A Perfect Lady

I was in the sixth grade.

 My parents felt like it would be a good idea to send my brothers and me to a private school.

They noticed the children of their clients and friends who were the most well-behaved and quizzed them on why they were so polite and sweet.

 The first thing I noticed at the private Christian school was how nice the other kids were.

They would say "Thank you," and "Excuse me," at the drop of a hat.

There was no fighting or bickering.

 It was culture shock from the public school, where I always felt on my guard.

 I didn't exactly fit in right away.

 For example, I dropped my pencil and two nice boys bent down to pick it up for me.

I pushed one of them over and kicked the other one's hand. "That's MY pencil!" I yelled.

 That's when I got to know Shirley. Everyone else called her Mrs. Leibolt, because she was the Principal.

 "I want to have lunch with you," she said, "In my office."

Mrs. Leibolt was a large lady, who wore pastel polyester knit suits and had a bouffant hair style that looked like pineapple flavored cotton candy. 

She ruled with an iron fist and took lip from NO ONE.

Rumor had it that she kept a paddle in her office and would spank kids really hard if they were particularly naughty.

I went to Shirley's office and sat down in front of her.

She sat behind her desk, clasped her hands and began talking to me.

She was so kind to me, it was a little jarring. Was I going to get a talking to, or worse, a beating?

Nope. Shirley looked at me and began, "Why did you get so angry at those boys?"

"Well," I said, "I dropped my pencil and I thought they were going to take it from me." 

"They were just trying to help you," Shirly said. "Yeah, I know that now, but I'm not used to kids being nice, and honestly if anyone messes with me, I'm going to punch them in the face."

Shirley got up from behind her desk. I looked at the paddle on the wall, then back at her.

I didn't even care if she was going to hit me. I was in self-defense mode.

She sat on the corner of the desk and said, "Ladies don't behave that way, and it's my desire for you to learn how to behave like a well-mannered, rule abiding young woman.

She told me that I wasn't in trouble, I just needed some guidance and she was just the person who was going to mold me. 

"Ok!" I said. Shirley and I had lunch three times a week until I understood what it was like to behave like a perfect lady.

Here were the names of my lessons, which, by the way, were delivered with love and compassion:

Ladies Do Not Bite Their Nails.

Ladies Do Not Get Into Fist Fights.

Ladies Do Not Wear Tube Tops To School.

Ladies Do Not Talk Back To The Teachers.

Ladies Do Not Swear.

Ladies Do Their Homework.

Ladies Are Polite and Say Please and Thank You.

Shirley was not my first mentor in the Lady Department, but certainly one of my favorites.

 My poor Mom and Dad really tried, but they could only do so much. 

For instance, I asked if I could take Gymnastics for an after school activity.

I got kicked out for fighting, so my parent's answer was to put me in karate classes. That way I could fight, you know, legally.

When I was about seven or eight years old, my Sunday School teacher called my Mom to tell her that they were trying to teach the kids about love and peace, and I beat a kid up.

 My Mom goes "Did he touch her food? because she REALLY hates when people touch her food."

I was a bit defensive for whatever reason and had some problems with managing my anger.

So, I sit her tonight, grateful to Shirley, for her love, compassion and belief that I could one day become a kind, loving and gentle person. One that behaves like a lady, and incidentally has blossomed into a full fledged Primp Queen.

Thank you, Mrs. Leibolt, wherever you are...

Sunday, September 1, 2013

What's a Primp Queen?

Sometimes I get this question...

In fact my friend, we will call her Amazing Vonny, asked me if she was a Primp Queen.

 I was like "Absolutely you are!" And then she goes "How do you know?"

 I said, "Well, for starters, I've never seen you leave to go anywhere without first reapplying your lipstick."

This made me think of asking you all, are you a Primp Queen, too? 

The term is not even mine.

My friend Jenny made it up in college when we lived together.

We shared a dorm room with one sink and one tiny mirror.

We used to get ready at the same time and we'd elbow each other out of the way to get a look in the mirror.

There was no fighting, we didn't even mention it to each other.

 We'd just say, "EXCUSE Me," and elbows went flying. And that's when

Jenny smiled and said "We are such Primp Queens!"

She not only coined the name, she was one long before we met.

I found this out in the 7th grade after PE class when Loralee Gauss almost made me cry for making fun of my underwear and my dry and crackly legs.

Jenny overheard this teasing and out of nowhere a bottle of Johnson and Johson Baby Lotion made it's way to my hands.

 "You can keep that," she said smiling. "Just put this on every day and also there's nothing wrong with your underwear."

 Just to give you a visual, we were all changing our clothes and Jenny not only was the most beautiful girl in the room, she had on a fantastic matching set of navy blue lace bra and panties.

What a lifesaver she was!

This was the beginning of a phenomenal friendship that's lasted for decades.

I remember making a solomn vow, while sucking the tears back into my eyeballs to always have the most beautiful, silky, gorgeous panties on the planet and also to never be mean like Loralee Gauss.

A Primp Queen is more than just a love of beauty products.

It's a philosophy and an attitude.

And it has nothing to do with being a mean girl or judging others on their looks or choice of products.

It's about having fun with fashion and products and sharing the love of all things beautiful.

It's not just about beauty, either. Sometimes it's knowledge of survival strategies.

If, say, you get a surprise of "that time of the month" and you only have enough cash on you for tampons or chocolate.

You buy the chocolate and see which of your friends are packing and can spare a tampon out of their Freshness Pack.

Then once you can, you make up your own Freshness Pack, which is a very beautiful cosmetic bag that you pack with "Lady Emergency Freshness Essentials."

I worked in an office for many years with 99% women.

They all teased me about my Freshness Pack until they needed an Advil, tampons in various sizes, a mini pad or cleansing wipe. 

Another good "Tell" of a Primp Queen...This one again comes from Jenny. She texted this to me "I just spent $20 on an eye shadow that's the exact same color as my eye lids."

And then she texted me again right after, "I'm so excited!"

So, that's the short version of what makes a Primp Queen a Primp Queen.

Go ahead and leave a comment letting me and the rest of the world know if you are a Primp Queen and what makes you so. I hope you have an enjoyable day of freshness and beauty. :)