Thursday, July 18, 2013

Dieting with Mrs.Romeo

Are you curious about how my 21 Day Cleanse is going?

Well, I learned something about myself.

And isn't that one of the great joys of life, self discovery?

Yes, you guessed it. The cleanse ended.

The weird thing is I have been eating and enjoying nothing but smoothies, salads and other healthy vegan food for months now, but as soon as I called it a "cleanse" something in my brain made me want to rebel!

And I did so. I really did.

Now, I am back on track, only I'm not on a "cleanse" or a "fast" or a "diet." I am just eating vegan food, which is by far my favorite way to eat. And 60% to 80% of that is raw.

Which makes me feel happy!

I guess I am over the whole dieting thing because...well...we're going to have to go back to the 5th grade.

My teacher was Mrs. Romeo. She was young, beautiful, intelligent and fashionable. I wanted to be just like her.

So, instead of eating lunch with the other kids, I often would stay in the classroom and eat lunch with Mrs. Romeo.

She didn't mind. I don't think she knew I was "studying" her. I wanted to know everything she did so I could be like her.

One thing I noticed was her choice of lunch food.

A Slender Bar and a Diet Pepsi. Noted. I took a mental picture of the box of Slender Bars and promptly walked to Walgreens after school to get some so I could be on a diet like Mrs. Romeo.

My Walgreens trips were usually reserved for getting myself a Coke and a bottle of nail polish. I'd pick out the prettiest pink I could find, get my can of Coke, place the items on the counter and then dump out all my nickles, dimes and quarters to pay for them.

"My nails are gonna look so good!" I'd say to myself walking home, drinking my Coke.

So, when I'd get home. I'd sit at the kitchen table and carefully and slowly polish each nail.

Then I'd painstakingly sit for several minutes until I thought they were good and dry. It felt like an eternity for that polish to dry, but you know the Tiny Primp Queen in the making was going to do whatever needed done!

I ended up smudging them every single time. It infuriated me. I'd end up cursing very loudly, usually in Italian.

That's it! I thought. I have had it with this nail polish.

"Dear Revlon,"

My letter started...

"I purchase your nail polishes and every time I let them dry for several minutes, my nails always get smudged and I have to re-do them. I am 10 years old. Do you know how hard it is for someone my age to sit still?

I would appreciate it if you could make your nail polishes faster drying. If possible.

If not, I am thinking of switching over to Lee Press On Nails, because my Mom won't let me get sculptured nails at the salon.

Thank you."

I sent that letter but never got a response.

HOWEVER! Did you notice Revlon started making quick-dry polishes not long after.

You're welcome, everyone!

I did try the Lee Press On Nails, which made me even angrier. Try being 10 years old, and watching your nails pop off when you go to open your Coke.

Anyway, I went to Walgreens and there they were, Slender Bars. Eight in a box.

I was very excited because the next day when I ate lunch with Mrs. Romeo, we could both have our slender bars together and be like, ladies who lunch.

Taking tiny princess bites of our diet candy bars.

Walking home made me very hungry, however, so I ate one of them. They were delicious! They tasted like a chocolate Rice Krispie Treat with this waxy coating. Mmmmm.

After dinner that night, I had another Slender Bar.

Ok, I only have 6 Slender Bars left. I better save them, I thought. For my diet.

Dieting is so easy and fun! I could LIVE on Slender Bars. That's what I was thinking.

By the end of the next day I was so hungry from dieting with Mrs. Romeo, I was ready to eat my arm!

But that started me on a long road of trying crazy diets and I think that's why I have pretty much had it with the 21 Day Cleanse.

I'm really just not into it. I think those cleanses are for someone who really needs to make some drastic changes and has lot's of cleansing to do.

This is about as anti-climactic as my colonic. Should we go there?

I blogged about this in May. I went to get a colonic and nothing but clear water came out of me.

So for those of you who thought nothing but fairies and rainbows and butterflies came our of my butt, you were right!

No but seriously, I went back for another colonic and the same thing happened. I believe I was already all cleaned out.

So, for now, I am going to continue my enjoyable vegan lifestyle and NOT call it a diet!

Alright kids, story time is over. Have a fantastic day and remember that you're wonderful and beautiful.

OH! This is hilarious...check it out. An ad from a newspaper from 1980 with SLENDER BARS on sale!,269001

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